1,001 Days Later

Hello out there,

Wow.  It's been 1,001 days since I was so resolute that it was time to make a change.  It's been 785 days since I last posted to my goal 120 blog.  It's been every day that I thought about it and then pushed it back into the recesses, the cavernous spaces that I have allowed to defeat me every single time.  Work, primary caretaker, running a business, my friends, obligation, routine, distraction, fucking pizza, excuses by the pound literally.  There are a few things I know for sure.  It is never too late.  As long as you are breathing there is a second chance.  I have a lot of satisfaction in my life.  I have accomplished things I am very proud of but for some reason I cannot seem to conquer me.  There is always this nagging feeling that I am letting myself down, that life can be better, that I am not the best me I can be and there's my health.  Since my last post I have had a cyst the size of a grapefruit removed from my lady parts.   I was in constant pain for over two years until anyone figured out what was going on.  Cholesterol is high, blood tests indicate a likelihood I could have a major heart event at any time IF I don't make a change.

A friend of mine who I relayed my concerns to has gifted me 90 days with a personal trainer and nutrition coach.  I started a program on Friday which includes meal plans, workout suggestions, and accountability.  I'm going to conquer this in a way that works for me.  I don't give up easily.  I'm excited, I'm terrified I will let myself down again.  I'm going to take one day at a time and do the best I can.  It's funny the things we prioritize.  If I make up my mind to do something typically it's as good as done but this is the mountain I can't get to the other side of but I'm going to begin the climb again... One day at a time.......

Day 216 Square One

Where do I begin.  Again.  I begin again. 

Day 102 I suck at blogging

On this the last day of 2010 I thought it was important that I write one last note on my dear blog.  What a year.  I bet no one has said that.  This has been a year of a lot of change and I am looking forward to a new year to start new.

I have a new job, living in a new place and still working on a new improved version of me.  It has been a challenge to stay on course.  Since my last post I have not lost one pound.  I am going to congratulate myself still on this last day of 2010 because I have also not gained one pound and you will note that the last post was before Thanksgiving.  So some of the changes I have made definitely work.  I can thank the food I have been eating and how I have been eating it for that.  I have not lost any weight simply because I quit exercising.  I ran that mile and then I just pretty much stopped.  I have had some workouts here and there but I have not stuck to my routine.  I got a hall pass until today because of the move and the job change and blah blah blah.  Today I begin again with a walk. 

My New Year's Resolutions are simple:

Take care of me so I can take care of you
Love and be Loved
Remember my dreams and make them true

Thank you all for reading and I wish you each a blessed 2011.

Anis Mojgani says it better than I ever could....

Day 65 Milestones

I ran my first complete mile today since I was about 22 years old.  I ran it in 16 minutes and 13 seconds.  That's all.  Gobble Gobble.

Day 63 Turkey Day is Near

Thanksgiving can be a blessing... and a curse when you are from the deep south.  I have already volunteered to prepare the meal this year and it is the first time I have really thought about what we will actually eat and how it will be prepared.  I come from a long tradition of preparing enough food on this one day to feed an entire country.  There are no questions that there will be turkey, stuffing, potatoes (mashed and sweet) green beans, something fried usually a vegetable, usually cauliflower, rolls, pies, dips, veggie trays, on and on.
There are always too many leftovers and most of them get thrown out.  We will still have all of the usual dishes but portions and leftovers will be in check this year and nothing fried!
It is so easy to find healthy alternatives thanks to google Healthy Alternative Recipes!

I have had such a crazy emotional weekend followed by the last few weeks of crazy changes happening so fast but all for the good and it reminds me that it is time to make a list.

Things I am thankful for in 2010...

1. My Family
2. My Friends
3. My Impetus to do better and try harder
4. My legs that work and are able to help me achieve my goals
5. My sore body that is getting stronger with every back breaking workout that Delia puts me through
6. My Art (it has saved my life literally and figuratively)
7. My Cats (yeah I said it... don't judge me!)

Next topic... Lectures.

Recently, (this past week) I was lectured by who we will call my personal trainer.  I do not respond well to lectures I never have.  Something I know about myself is that once I make up my mind to do something (except win the lottery) I am going to do it.  I have been on this blue orb long enough to know that if I don't take the proper steps I won't reach my goals.  If I don't change my eating habits and stick to the discipline of working out I won't lose weight and I won't be healthier.  It is so simple.  So I am saying now that if I don't reach my goals for some reason it will be my cross to bear.  Upon deeper inspection I beg the question why don't I want to be lectured aside from the obvious demeaning nature of lectures in general and I think I know.  I don't want to consider the idea that I won't achieve this goal because for as long as I remember I said one day I would make up my mind to do this and for as long as I remember I have skipped past that day with alarming speed and now the day is here... every day is the day to make the best choice for my health.
I am on board but I will take the lectures because they remind me of all the days that came before and when you recruit other people to be a part of a journey like this you owe it to them as well to show up and to let your accomplishments also be their accomplishments because no one would jump on this train if they didn't care about you a lot.

Day 51 I'm Tired

I am feeling a crazy lack of energy the last few days and I know it is because I am not working out as much as I should be.  I started a new job today and I had every good intention of getting up early and working out this morning but I am seriously blocked when it comes to early mornings!  It is an uphill battle.  Some have suggested that it may also be the stress of all the recent changes in my life.  Hmmmmmm I wonder? 

I am excited about my recent shopping trip to the grocery store.  I have decided that I will be taking my own lunches to work from now on.  This is good habit to break and I will probably save a lot of money as well (duh).  Everything I bought was checked for calorie, fat, sodium content etc.  I recently watched Food Matters so I am going to take some of the basic tips from that film and implement them into my routine.  It is on netflix or you can view it at the link above for $4.95.  Definitely worth the watch!  One of the things they suggest is drinking a full glass of water the minute you wake up for cleansing and detox.  That's easy.  I also purchased organic fruits, vegetables and milk so I am going to determine if that affects the way I feel.  I eventually am going to implement more vitamins as well.  Right now I am taking Vitamin C and a daily supplemental vitamin.

I have noticed that my skin is clearer, my pants are looser, I crave physical activity more and I am sleeping better.
All in all I am still motivated and feeling good about my progress however agonizingly slow it is.

Day 48 All the excuses we make...

Blogging is hard.  With my head bowed I make this entry.  It has been far too long and these are the excuses I will make which is part of the problem to begin with (all the excuses I have made).  I got the flu, the worst flu I have ever had and was sick for days in bed.  Then I quit my job.  I had been pondering this move for awhile and was given the impetus to move on one Tuesday afternoon.  To move, forward motion, leave security of a paycheck to keep my dignity intact I was practically pushed out the door by my own will.  That is all I will say but it is my excuse for not blogging.

When I made this move completely out of character and with no prospects it was as if the universe grabbed me in its infinite arms, scooped me up, gave me a huge pat on the back and said "Carla I will not let you fail".  "Universe!!! how will I get another job in this economy?  What about my Mom? I take care of her what was I thinking what will I do!?!?!  I don't want to live in my car... what about my goals will I let myself down... again?"  The Universe said... "you will get a job making more money with benefits so you can reach your goals personal and financial and it will start next Tuesday the anniversary of the day you finally believed enough in yourself to know you deserve more."

So sometimes bold moves are more than just impetuous sometimes they are a saving grace.  Next Tuesday I start my new job.  Thank you Universe and all the angels you sent to help.

This blog is about weight loss so here goes first of all thank you to those of you who said Carla what the hell? Why aren't you blogging?  It feels good to know you are paying attention.  The results of my first month came out on the 28th of October... I lost 7.6 pounds and 4.5 inches total.  Those are not quite the numbers I was hoping for so the next thing that has to be tackled are my eating habits and sticking to the rules that have been laid down by my fearless friend Delia who has got my number and doesn't mind calling it to ask me why I am blowing it!!!  I fell just shy of my goal of two pounds a week so if I want to meet my ultimate goal by my ultimate goal date I have to step it up and lose 3-4 pounds a week.  

Observations so far include a few things that are hard to swallow.  When you tell your friends that you are not drinking for a certain period of time to allow your body to detox and they buy you alcohol and continually try to make you drink it you start to wonder if A: they heard you when you said you aren't drinking B: if they want to sabotage your goal and C: if they need to go to an AA meeting.  Please support what I am trying to do and please know that I am feeling honesty is the best policy nowadays more than ever in a way I cannot begin to describe but I think it has something to do with life being too short to not tell the truth.

I conclude by telling you about the evening I had last night on a double decker bus with about 40 other people and these guys Nite Kite Revival.  I have to thank my friend Kym for sharing a love of spoken word poetry and for sharing this evening with me.  These guys pick up the day... they just eat life up with a spoon.  It reminded me that joy is okay and good and we need some more.  Pretend You Live for a Living