2055 Days

My how time flies. I'm still battling this weight loss journey. I lost my Mother two months ago and I promised myself I'd be the priority from now on. I'm working with a trainer. I'm on my 4th day of exercise and I feel more determined than ever before to prove something to myself by conquering this battle. I need to know I can prevail. The only  reasons I haven't are excuses.

1,310 Days

My how time flies when you're avoiding the truth.  So clearly I don't keep every promise I make to myself.  I do however not forget the promises and my body is talking to me loud and clear that it's time to make some changes.  Inspired by my friends and my incredible life that I have no wish to lose anytime soon I am once again back.  I am not making empty promises and I am not making excuses.

Within the span of a week six months ago I was laid off from my job due to "reduction in work force" and then a week later my Dad passed away from a heart attack.  Perspective is necessary now.  I keep checking back in here because I remember where I was four years ago and I know where I am now and I know where I want to go.  If I don't make it I will have only myself to blame.  So as of now I am using an app that helps me track my calories and I have joined a 60 day challenge.  The challenge as of now is to stick to 2,000 calories a day for 60 days and then after that I will revisit my next challenge.  I do want to let my body know that I am listening and I know it's telling me if I don't get it together it's not going to be able to help me get to where I need to go, literally and figuratively.

Here's to never giving up.

1,001 Days Later

Hello out there,

Wow.  It's been 1,001 days since I was so resolute that it was time to make a change.  It's been 785 days since I last posted to my goal 120 blog.  It's been every day that I thought about it and then pushed it back into the recesses, the cavernous spaces that I have allowed to defeat me every single time.  Work, primary caretaker, running a business, my friends, obligation, routine, distraction, fucking pizza, excuses by the pound literally.  There are a few things I know for sure.  It is never too late.  As long as you are breathing there is a second chance.  I have a lot of satisfaction in my life.  I have accomplished things I am very proud of but for some reason I cannot seem to conquer me.  There is always this nagging feeling that I am letting myself down, that life can be better, that I am not the best me I can be and there's my health.  Since my last post I have had a cyst the size of a grapefruit removed from my lady parts.   I was in constant pain for over two years until anyone figured out what was going on.  Cholesterol is high, blood tests indicate a likelihood I could have a major heart event at any time IF I don't make a change.

A friend of mine who I relayed my concerns to has gifted me 90 days with a personal trainer and nutrition coach.  I started a program on Friday which includes meal plans, workout suggestions, and accountability.  I'm going to conquer this in a way that works for me.  I don't give up easily.  I'm excited, I'm terrified I will let myself down again.  I'm going to take one day at a time and do the best I can.  It's funny the things we prioritize.  If I make up my mind to do something typically it's as good as done but this is the mountain I can't get to the other side of but I'm going to begin the climb again... One day at a time.......

Day 216 Square One

Where do I begin.  Again.  I begin again. 

Day 102 I suck at blogging

On this the last day of 2010 I thought it was important that I write one last note on my dear blog.  What a year.  I bet no one has said that.  This has been a year of a lot of change and I am looking forward to a new year to start new.

I have a new job, living in a new place and still working on a new improved version of me.  It has been a challenge to stay on course.  Since my last post I have not lost one pound.  I am going to congratulate myself still on this last day of 2010 because I have also not gained one pound and you will note that the last post was before Thanksgiving.  So some of the changes I have made definitely work.  I can thank the food I have been eating and how I have been eating it for that.  I have not lost any weight simply because I quit exercising.  I ran that mile and then I just pretty much stopped.  I have had some workouts here and there but I have not stuck to my routine.  I got a hall pass until today because of the move and the job change and blah blah blah.  Today I begin again with a walk. 

My New Year's Resolutions are simple:

Take care of me so I can take care of you
Love and be Loved
Remember my dreams and make them true

Thank you all for reading and I wish you each a blessed 2011.

Anis Mojgani says it better than I ever could....

Day 65 Milestones

I ran my first complete mile today since I was about 22 years old.  I ran it in 16 minutes and 13 seconds.  That's all.  Gobble Gobble.

Day 63 Turkey Day is Near

Thanksgiving can be a blessing... and a curse when you are from the deep south.  I have already volunteered to prepare the meal this year and it is the first time I have really thought about what we will actually eat and how it will be prepared.  I come from a long tradition of preparing enough food on this one day to feed an entire country.  There are no questions that there will be turkey, stuffing, potatoes (mashed and sweet) green beans, something fried usually a vegetable, usually cauliflower, rolls, pies, dips, veggie trays, on and on.
There are always too many leftovers and most of them get thrown out.  We will still have all of the usual dishes but portions and leftovers will be in check this year and nothing fried!
It is so easy to find healthy alternatives thanks to google Healthy Alternative Recipes!

I have had such a crazy emotional weekend followed by the last few weeks of crazy changes happening so fast but all for the good and it reminds me that it is time to make a list.

Things I am thankful for in 2010...

1. My Family
2. My Friends
3. My Impetus to do better and try harder
4. My legs that work and are able to help me achieve my goals
5. My sore body that is getting stronger with every back breaking workout that Delia puts me through
6. My Art (it has saved my life literally and figuratively)
7. My Cats (yeah I said it... don't judge me!)

Next topic... Lectures.

Recently, (this past week) I was lectured by who we will call my personal trainer.  I do not respond well to lectures I never have.  Something I know about myself is that once I make up my mind to do something (except win the lottery) I am going to do it.  I have been on this blue orb long enough to know that if I don't take the proper steps I won't reach my goals.  If I don't change my eating habits and stick to the discipline of working out I won't lose weight and I won't be healthier.  It is so simple.  So I am saying now that if I don't reach my goals for some reason it will be my cross to bear.  Upon deeper inspection I beg the question why don't I want to be lectured aside from the obvious demeaning nature of lectures in general and I think I know.  I don't want to consider the idea that I won't achieve this goal because for as long as I remember I said one day I would make up my mind to do this and for as long as I remember I have skipped past that day with alarming speed and now the day is here... every day is the day to make the best choice for my health.
I am on board but I will take the lectures because they remind me of all the days that came before and when you recruit other people to be a part of a journey like this you owe it to them as well to show up and to let your accomplishments also be their accomplishments because no one would jump on this train if they didn't care about you a lot.