2,294

I weigh 249.1 pounds since the last time I stepped on the scale. I am trying to maintain my weight loss currently while I am in production for Seven Spots on the Sun. I probably could have lost another 10 pounds this month but maintaining it now is what is important during the stressful times.  I am averaging workouts 3-4 times a week now. I try to do something active every day. It is not as difficult as it once was when I was balancing work, theatre and my Mother.

I have lost 54 pounds and now I have a goal weight of 150 pounds. I have given myself until December 31st, 2017 to shed the rest. I feel incredibly different in some ways and in some ways I am still the overweight girl trying to breathe through the workout and trying to navigate all of the emotions that come with so many drastic changes in a year.

I am more determined than ever to lose the weight and keep it off and now I am 1/3 of the way through. It hasn't been easy but it hasn't been as hard as beating myself up all the time for not taking care of myself. I will get there one day at a time. This is my journey.

2088 days

I spent the weekend in Vegas I was a little terrified of what that might mean for my diet. I'm down to 282.3 so I didn't blow everything. I'm gaining confidence because everyone is being so supportive. I still have a long way to go but I'm not giving up.

2081 days

Well today feels good. I weighed myself today and I weigh 285.3 pounds. When I began again I had not weighed myself in three months so that's 18 pounds and it feels good to say my goal weight loss is now 135 pds. instead of 150. That feels real good. I'll take it.

2055 Days

My how time flies. I'm still battling this weight loss journey. I lost my Mother two months ago and I promised myself I'd be the priority from now on. I'm working with a trainer. I'm on my 4th day of exercise and I feel more determined than ever before to prove something to myself by conquering this battle. I need to know I can prevail. The only  reasons I haven't are excuses.

1,310 Days

My how time flies when you're avoiding the truth.  So clearly I don't keep every promise I make to myself.  I do however not forget the promises and my body is talking to me loud and clear that it's time to make some changes.  Inspired by my friends and my incredible life that I have no wish to lose anytime soon I am once again back.  I am not making empty promises and I am not making excuses.

Within the span of a week six months ago I was laid off from my job due to "reduction in work force" and then a week later my Dad passed away from a heart attack.  Perspective is necessary now.  I keep checking back in here because I remember where I was four years ago and I know where I am now and I know where I want to go.  If I don't make it I will have only myself to blame.  So as of now I am using an app that helps me track my calories and I have joined a 60 day challenge.  The challenge as of now is to stick to 2,000 calories a day for 60 days and then after that I will revisit my next challenge.  I do want to let my body know that I am listening and I know it's telling me if I don't get it together it's not going to be able to help me get to where I need to go, literally and figuratively.

Here's to never giving up.

1,001 Days Later

Hello out there,

Wow.  It's been 1,001 days since I was so resolute that it was time to make a change.  It's been 785 days since I last posted to my goal 120 blog.  It's been every day that I thought about it and then pushed it back into the recesses, the cavernous spaces that I have allowed to defeat me every single time.  Work, primary caretaker, running a business, my friends, obligation, routine, distraction, fucking pizza, excuses by the pound literally.  There are a few things I know for sure.  It is never too late.  As long as you are breathing there is a second chance.  I have a lot of satisfaction in my life.  I have accomplished things I am very proud of but for some reason I cannot seem to conquer me.  There is always this nagging feeling that I am letting myself down, that life can be better, that I am not the best me I can be and there's my health.  Since my last post I have had a cyst the size of a grapefruit removed from my lady parts.   I was in constant pain for over two years until anyone figured out what was going on.  Cholesterol is high, blood tests indicate a likelihood I could have a major heart event at any time IF I don't make a change.

A friend of mine who I relayed my concerns to has gifted me 90 days with a personal trainer and nutrition coach.  I started a program on Friday which includes meal plans, workout suggestions, and accountability.  I'm going to conquer this in a way that works for me.  I don't give up easily.  I'm excited, I'm terrified I will let myself down again.  I'm going to take one day at a time and do the best I can.  It's funny the things we prioritize.  If I make up my mind to do something typically it's as good as done but this is the mountain I can't get to the other side of but I'm going to begin the climb again... One day at a time.......

Day 216 Square One

Where do I begin.  Again.  I begin again.